I read a book the first full day of my summer break that got me thinking – do we as people really know who we are?
It’s so easy to say I’m this and I’m that but who are you really when no one else is around peering at your every action? When you know no one is going to judge you for what you say and do are you the same person? It’s no easy task to find the balance between who people think you should be, who you want to be and who you really are.
Most people spend their entire lives trying to answer that one burning question…….Who am I? Do I like who I am? Do I like what I do? In an attempt to find the answer we try on all sorts of different hats trying to find the one (or ones) that fit just right. In this process though some of us put on hats that don’t fit but we keep them anyway – the thinking is this is what people expect of me which is all well and good but what do you expect from yourself. When all the others are gone away taking off their masks do you like what you find behind your own. Can you really look your mirrored image in the eye and say I am you and you are me just how I’ve always wanted to be?
If so wonderful job done! If not why not take the time to really connect with yourself, find out exactly who you are and then make whatever changes feesable to be the best you you can be. The true unaltered you that you drempt of being in your youth or the person you set out to be in early adulthood. When you connect with that person you will no longer feel a need for the pretence that comes with being fake. At some point you have to stand on your own two feet and support your own weight which is a heck of a lot easier to do when you at least like yourself to begin with.
This is not a one time thing either change happens, people grow and they learn new things all I’m urging is in the midst of trying on these new hats don’t get sucked into what all your friends or family say about it. Really think before you incorparate something new into yourself…..when I make this change will it fit me? Will it fit who I am? Or who I want to be?
Now that I’m toward the end of the quarter I’ve been hanging out on Facebook quite a bit. One of the groups that I subscribe to on there is Signing Families (https://www.facebook.com/pages/SIGNING-FAMILIES/108062343239 or they can also be found here www.SigningFamilies.com) anyhow one of the things that they do is a sign of the day- today’s sign happens to be one that I didn’t know it’s the sign for severe, profound, deep and/ or intense so I’m signing this and my two year old comes up and says, “Mommy what’s that?” I explained that it’s sign language which is talking with your hands like mommy does with AJ (his oldest brother who is profoundly deaf). He looked at the sign, watched me practice it again and then said, “Oh you mean like this”….and then signed more. I have made it a point to try to teach all my children at least the basics of sign after all their oldest brother is deaf and at some point they will need to communicate with him. I wouldn’t go so far as to say they are expert signers but they all do a passable job.
For example – my 5 year old couldn’t learn his letters for anything! I tried just about everything. I bought door hangs, construction paper and foam letters so he’d have a fun exercise to do to help him learn his letters – that didn’t work. He’s got a dry erase board with all the letters, numbers and shapes on it – that didn’t work. I did copy the dots (then he wanted to write his own dot alphabet). I finally was about to give up and one day I finger spelled his name to him. It worked wonders! Now when I ask him how to spell his name he’s at least got all the right letters even if they aren’t in the right order and he finger spells as he’s spelling it out. Aside from being the least expensive way for him to learn how to spell his name and his alphabet something about having something to do with his hands that also corresponds to what he’s saying and doing is what’s working for him, it’s also made him more interested in learning more signs. Hey whatever works I’m not complaining!
Many hearing people don’t realize how wonderful sign language is – they try to avoid signs and deaf people like the plague. To this I say sign is a wonderful rich language. It’s so beautiful and complex but yet so simple at the same time. As far as avoiding deaf people – they are people too, no different from me and you. The only thing they can’t do is hear which is probably a blessing considering some of the nasty things I’ve heard hearing people say about the deaf. They don’t want your pity (there is nothing wrong with them) and they aren’t preforming monkeys communicating with their hands so you can stop and stare – they are PEOPLE and deserve to be treated as such. Show the same respect to them as you would like others to show to you. If you’re THAT curious about their conversation and what they’re saying get a pen and paper and ask. If nothing else ask, “Where can I learn sign?” That way you can have your own private conversations and see what it feels like to have people stop and stare at you.
Another thing to consider – not everyone that signs is deaf, some are hard of hearing, some just think it’s a beautiful language and use it fluently, some know deaf people and are talking to someone who is deaf. Assumptions get you nowhere. If you have a question ask, what’s the worse that will happen? The response will be in ASL, “Sorry I’m deaf.”?
I have a feeling lately that something great is going to happen. I have no idea what or when, nor why for that matter – it’s just this feeling I have.
So much bad, distressing and frustrating has happened it would be nice to have the wonderfully unexpected for a change. I know at some point it will happen, I can feel it but it’s just out of reach.
Maybe if I dream a little harder, study a little more, play a little less, or focus more on acting my age whatever is lurking will rush into my arms……….or maybe if I chase more rainbows, look for more four leaf clovers and make all my wishes on pennies something breathtaking will happen.
Whatever the circumstance, I’m ready. I’m ready for a positive change, I’m ready for something amazing to overtake my family so we can move on to a much happier phase. This crap storm has lasted long enough.
As a preemptive strike – crap storms and circumstances are not always self inflicted. Sometimes people just the raw end of the deal but still try to make the best of it. Personally I’m tried of doing both and am asking the rainbow to be still so I can collect my pot o’gold.
This Wednesday marked a milestone for my husband and myself. We celebrated 12 years of marriage, for those who know us they will tell you that’s kind of a major fete.
Most didn’t even think we’d make it 5 years. Once we passed 5 they said surely they won’t make it to 10 but now we’re at 12 and still hanging on. I can honestly say in the beginning we weren’t really in love but after 12 years and all the ups and downs we’ve had we can’t help but love each other. Not teenage love but the kind of deep love that only comes with time and maturity.
We’ve by no means had a fairy tale romance in fact we are doing things quite backwards. The early years of our marriage that should have been blissful were pure hell. The years that should be showing friction and wear and tear are bonding us closer together.
We’ve made it a point in recent years to spend our anniversary together just the two of us with no kids 🙂 It’s a nice break from reality and gives us some time to enjoy each other and act like teenagers. After 12 years I kind of like the guy and think I may possibly keep him around for another 12 or more 🙂