Archive | January 2013

Growing young

When I was younger I had a cherished nickname, I loved it and it was so fitting to me and the person I was. I was a happy, bouncy, vivacious young person.

As I git older people started telling me I couldn’t be that way anymore because I was a young lady, I was a woman, I was a mom and that sort of behavior was unacceptable so I stopped being me and started wearing all these other hats…. Soldier, mom, parent, provider, responsible adult, wife. With each hat I drifted further away from me.

Now at 38 I want some if that bouncy, vivaciousness back. I know I still have other hats to wear but one day my kids will be out on their own, living their own lives and I won’t know who I am or where I fit because I surrendered myself to be who everyone else told me I needed to be.

I guess some would call it a midlife crisis I call it an awakening. In Wednesday my oldest child will be 17…just one year shy of leaving the nest. That’s a long time to be cut off from who I really am.

Every once in awhile that playful girl comes out and those who have never met her are taken by surprise at how hyper and fun she is but those who know her best are overjoyed at her return…never as much as I am though.

I love myself enough to know that u need to find me before its to late and I loose myself under the weight of these hats. I need to bounce around and be me before I forget who I am and who I can be. I don’t want to loose my playfulness nor the energy that keeps me young. I want to be brave enough to say I will conform to this point and then you can suck rotten eggs so that’s what I’m going to do. Those things that I’ve denied myself because people say you shouldn’t like that or shouldnt be like that…well guess what I’m gonna start doing them cuz that’s just part of who I am.

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Random Thought that’s lingering

I currently have a preschooler and like so many other preschoolers he enjoys watching preschool programing and he learns a lot from them. My thought pertains to preschoolers who are deaf or hard of hearing…the only widely used captioning system is closed captions (words at the bottom of the screen). How does this system benefit a preschooler who can’t read? Why not offer a sign window on preschool programming so those who have hearing impaired children can also see the benefit of the wide variety of programming out there without sitting next to their child being an interpreter?

Many years ago when my oldest was a preschooler he would try to watch shows geared toward preschoolers but he would get lost in the story and what was going on so he stopped watching the programs altogether. Every once in a while we would come across a show that was doing a segment on ASL so a part of the show would be signed and he LOVED that but for the most part he was out in the cold.

My thought is if this programming is out there to help youngsters learn things like a,b,c’s, counting and reading why not really make it accessible to ALL children, hearing or not. If networks are willing to spend money putting the programming on why can’t they spend a little more to truely make it enjoyable  and understandabke for all preschoolers?

Return to rules

2 weeks off from school is just enough time to really mess up a schedule. Granted my home is on one of the craziest schedules ever with the hubby being a tow truck driver but yet and still that doesn’t mean the kids need to be all outta whack…..or does it?

Our oldest is a morning person and an early bird to boot, our daughter is a night owl, our 5 yr old is a chronic sleep fighter…has been the whole 5 years he’s been alive and the 3 yr old is also a morning person. I’m a morning person and Dad – he’s a night owl.  Just that right there should give you some idea to how messed up sleep cycles can get here.

Now here’s what’s going on lately…..I wake up the sleep fighter, keep him awake and engaged in things all day thinking he will sleep all night…..NOPE!!! 3 to 4 hours later he’s up and ready for action. Same with the 3 year old. So a 9 pm bed time has turned into a nap time which results in both of them being wide awake until 5 or later in the morning. All the while mom is going with out sleep trying to make sure the Brothers Dare don’t end up dead.

Being a stickler for rules and having a firm belief that one reeps what they sow I tend to still make my children go to school but now Dad is fighting me on thus point. He says we can’t send the kids to school tired. I say we can’t keep them out just because they have crazy internal schedules so today I’m trying a compromise…..the kids are home now after trying and failing at getting them to wake up but in a few short hours they WILL wake up and they WILL go to school. They WILL NOT take naps after school and they WILL again learn to follow moms very simple sleep for school rules. Go to bed when I tell you too and you will live a longer life 🙂

Remembering to not let go

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My cousin made this shortly after the death of our Grandfather. I told her that I would also like one so she gave this to me. It’s hung in various places in my home….currently its taken up residence in my bedroom window. Today I opened up my blinds to let some light in and this is what I found…..the sun shining through my Grandpa. It made me remember things long forgotten like the warmth of his smile and how infectious his laugh could be. The way he would move at a pace that seemed to be his own but still manage to get everything done. My parents divorced when I was a teen and I didn’t see my dads side of the family much after that. In recent years we’ve reconnected and have spent some time together although not as much as any of us would like…..today, right now actually, as I’m sitting here struggling to write this I’m remembering that I need to not forget the ties that bind and make us a family. I’m remembering that at the end of it all family is what’s most important and that when those close to you (or those who were close to you) die the only thing left are memories….old and faded or new and vibrant so its better to make memorues while there is time. Thank you Jacqui and Grandpa Hoover for giving me something to hold on to while I finally begin to grieve and for allowing me this time to reflect.