Growing young

When I was younger I had a cherished nickname, I loved it and it was so fitting to me and the person I was. I was a happy, bouncy, vivacious young person.

As I git older people started telling me I couldn’t be that way anymore because I was a young lady, I was a woman, I was a mom and that sort of behavior was unacceptable so I stopped being me and started wearing all these other hats…. Soldier, mom, parent, provider, responsible adult, wife. With each hat I drifted further away from me.

Now at 38 I want some if that bouncy, vivaciousness back. I know I still have other hats to wear but one day my kids will be out on their own, living their own lives and I won’t know who I am or where I fit because I surrendered myself to be who everyone else told me I needed to be.

I guess some would call it a midlife crisis I call it an awakening. In Wednesday my oldest child will be 17…just one year shy of leaving the nest. That’s a long time to be cut off from who I really am.

Every once in awhile that playful girl comes out and those who have never met her are taken by surprise at how hyper and fun she is but those who know her best are overjoyed at her return…never as much as I am though.

I love myself enough to know that u need to find me before its to late and I loose myself under the weight of these hats. I need to bounce around and be me before I forget who I am and who I can be. I don’t want to loose my playfulness nor the energy that keeps me young. I want to be brave enough to say I will conform to this point and then you can suck rotten eggs so that’s what I’m going to do. Those things that I’ve denied myself because people say you shouldn’t like that or shouldnt be like that…well guess what I’m gonna start doing them cuz that’s just part of who I am.

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