Darkest before the dawn

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I find myself being really down in the dumps these days. When I say down in the dumps I mean dddddooooooowwwwnnnnnnnn……way down, bottom of my barrel down which is kind of saying a lot as in a fairly optimistic person. See I’ve been counting on one thing and I’ve waited patiently for it just knowing that this thing was going to happen and here it is the day that I was looking forward to and nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero.
I’m heart broken and upset over it which I know doesn’t solve anything or change anything but you know how it is, you want something and its just right there….if you can just reach a little further, stretch a little more, move this, stand on that and extend in that direction – – -I’ve been doing that and waiting. *sigh*

There have been many good things that have happened and I’ve not discounted them or over looked them, each mini victory and blessing comes with its own victory dance and celebration but this was to be my Christmas in July. I’m not going to give up…. I’m going to go with delayed, not denied but still it doesn’t stop the hurt and disappointment.

I know it’s darkest before the dawn and if I just get through this period I’ll see the bright lights and looking back on this time later in life I’ll be like hahaha and to think I did all that for just this little….. But the reward I will get from that one little thing will be soooo sweet, it will make all of this fretting and worry worth it. I’m not going to give up – I never do on things I want – I may cry a little but I won’t give up.

Who knows….July isn’t over yet, maybe I’ll still get my Christmas.

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