A few months ago when my husband and I agreed to move back to his hometown we looked forward to it as a way of getting back to our roots, where we came from as a family what we weren’t ready for was seriously starting over. In the 4 or 5 months that we’ve been here we’ve had to start all the back at ground zero. We are still rebuilding and replacing things that were lost. I’m choosing to look at it as par for the course but its still hard looking back at what we had and seeing where we are now. I’m much happier in the laid back atmosphere of this place and my children are flourishing but at the same time I miss the people who were central to my being that got left behind. Namely my sister and oldest son. There are some days the whole in my heart is almost tangible and other days that it’s just a dull ache. I’m keeping in touch but its not the same as getting in my car and having a visit. I know deep down that in the end the sacrifices made now will be worth it but right now I can’t see it. I’m trying really hard to focus on what’s ahead but I don’t want to forget what was behind. I don’t want to forget the shuttles we went through and the things that are shaping our futures. Every new experience comes with a period of adjustment some shorter than others……I hope every day that all this will pass quickly but every day that I don’t see the progress that I would like to see it feels like we’ll be in this place forever. This too shall pass and it will be all sunshine and morning glories in the other side and I will look back on this time and say ok we made it through that so we can make it through any and everything.
There’s been a lot on my mind lately and every time I try to steal a moment to write these thoughts or ideas down something happens then the moment is gone. So I am taking this moment now to get this out there.
Stereotypes are stupid traps that people tend to fall for. The other day as I was watching cartoons with my kids one of my sons asked why the people who talk like his Daddy are always dumb on TV shows. My reply: because someone who doesn’t really know anybody from the South thinks that Southerns are uneducated and do a lot of stupid things. To which my son said, ” my Daddy isn’t stupid and neither is the rest of my family. I don’t want to watch this cartoon anymore because IT’S stupid!” With that comment the TV was turned off and we went outside and played in the yard.
But it got me thinking…..what kind of garbage are we feeding our children where even in the cartoons they watch they are led to believe that one type is better than another? City folks are better than country folks? I disagree. I’m from the city and there are somethings I’m better at (in the city) than my husband. My husband is from the country and there’s things that are “country” that he’s waaaayyyy better at than me. Does that make either of us better than the other? Nope, not one bit. There’s value and lessons to be learned from both which is why we’ve agreed to let our children experience both.
He’s white, I’m black, our children are bi racial. He’s not better than me or I than him and our children aren’t inferior to us both, it’s just the way our family is. I am so tired of people saying this is better or that is better. In the end we are all people as long as we love each other and others what difference does race make? What difference does it make where you where born or where you went to school? The ONLY part that should matter is your character as a human. Do you treat others fairly? Are you slow to judge? Is there tolerance for those who are different within you? These are the things children need to learn. There’s enough ugly, mean spirited, hateful people out there and until we teach ourselves and our offspring how to be the change everyone keeps claiming they want Southerns will continue to be portrayed as dumb and whites will be superior to other races. Homosexuals will forever be persecuted, bi racial children will be ill begotten offspring and the world will continue to rotate on its axis.
Be a REAL positive change, show someone different from you that you understand they are human too by extending a smile, a handshake or even friendly conversation. You may be surprised to find out that “dumb redneck” has a PhD and that “smart” city person dropped out of school in the 8th grade. Be a difference maker not just with words but with your actions. Children the world over are watching us and learning from our examples.
I find that ruptures can express the things that words fail to do. This one taken yesterday did a perfect job of capturing my mood of the day…..sunny outlook with an overlay of dark clouds. Some days are just like that the thing is to not get so wrapped up on focusing on the dark clouds that you forget there’s a sunny outlook. The sun is ALWAYS shinning above the clouds (unless its night time) just remember that. For me personally its been a rough couple of weeks, bad or sad news on all sides not to mention my own personal problems but I’m trying really hard to nit let these things get me down. Life goes on….maybe a little differently than it did 20 seconds ago or even yesterday or last week but it keeps going. In these times adjust your course don’t loose sight of the sun and make your way through the dark cloud overlay in the end I’m pretty sure you’ll be glad you did.
I have a feeling lately that something great is going to happen. I have no idea what or when, nor why for that matter – it’s just this feeling I have.
So much bad, distressing and frustrating has happened it would be nice to have the wonderfully unexpected for a change. I know at some point it will happen, I can feel it but it’s just out of reach.
Maybe if I dream a little harder, study a little more, play a little less, or focus more on acting my age whatever is lurking will rush into my arms……….or maybe if I chase more rainbows, look for more four leaf clovers and make all my wishes on pennies something breathtaking will happen.
Whatever the circumstance, I’m ready. I’m ready for a positive change, I’m ready for something amazing to overtake my family so we can move on to a much happier phase. This crap storm has lasted long enough.
As a preemptive strike – crap storms and circumstances are not always self inflicted. Sometimes people just the raw end of the deal but still try to make the best of it. Personally I’m tried of doing both and am asking the rainbow to be still so I can collect my pot o’gold.
New year, new beginnings and all that jazz right? Let me say I like so many others am very happy to have 2011 done and over with. Last year wasn’t my best year but it wasn’t my worst either. It was just somewhere in the middle the the painful thinfs from the year before (2010) all happened at the end of the year so it made 2011 feel not so great. Ahhhhhh but now we’ve got a chance for a fresh start and life is getting back on track.
I go back to school in 7 short days (whoo hoo!!!). I am excited about that one and for the most part I have overwhelming support in my decision and new choosen career path which makes me even more excited to see how this is all going to pan out.
Next is the sudden arrival back home of my true partner in times – my big sis Jonii (aka as is home) (you should check out her blog here on wordpress good stuff and a good mix of stuff as well). Her arrival wasn’t the way any of us would have planned but she’s here and that’s all that matters.
Next, I am beginning to feel my age in some small ways, my oldest will be 16 in a couple of weeks!!! It’s an odd feeling being on the parental side of 16 but I’m sure it will be a wonderful adventure as life tends to be when one has children. Also this year my little comedian Steve Steve will be starting school thank goodness that’s not until September.
So as you read there is already much to be thankful for in this new year and a lot to look forward too. There are also many dreams that will take root and hopefully grow into great things. I have sooo much to look forward to……I think 2012 is gonna be great!!
Happy New Year and Happy Monday do something wonderful with your day 🙂