When we moved back to Alabama I expected a period of adjustment and a few months of piece as all if my school transfer stuff took effect. I didn’t count on the heartbreak, loneliness, and feelings of utter helplessness that would come along with this move. Now here I am a few months after our move feeling alone. There are people all around who know me fairly well but there are still large homes in my heart and in my being. I’m learning now to stop depending so much on others and to reevaluate the things that are most important to me. I’m gushing some goals, setting some new ones and lowering the bar on others. Some people see a period of solitude as a good thing for the most part I guess it is but at the same time it REALLY SUCKS!!!! I’m use to being able to go and do on a whim and now I’m constricted and confined in what I am able to do and where I go. I’m trying to stay positive but I’m really unhappy in this stage of the cycle. I’m ready for this part to be over so I can get on with all the things I want to do with my life. Who knows maybe there’s some super wonderful reward on the other side that I’ve not even imagined right now I’m not seeing or feeling it though. I’m seeing all the trees and no forest while wondering how in the world I let myself get in this place to begin with.
Everyday people are faced with choices…..to return with with good or with evil, to show forth love and compassion for others or to turn a blind eye, to go to class or a meeting. To bring youself and those around you up or to tear down. When making these choices do you consider how it will affect others around you or do you just go for yours? As a mom, wife, sister and daughter I find that more often than not I consider those around me long before thing of myself.
Upon learning that one of my children was deaf instead of choosing what would be easiest for me, a hearing parent I chose what I felt would be the best for my child. I learned ASL and have taught my other children how to sign as well. Recently the choice that I was left to make by myself 14 years ago has come into question. I have been told he should of been implanted, or taught SEE. In the 20th (now 21st) century you would think there would be more tolerance for those “different” from ourselves or “different” from the norm but even now on a daily basis we learn this is not so. It’s not even just a matter of different levels of ability it STILL comes down to the color of someones skin, how they talk, walk, and look. These things shouldn’t matter but the choices we as people make on a daily basis make them matter.
I think my biracial, deaf male child is a beauty and a wonder and I wouldn’t ask for him to be any other way. It’s a choice I’ve made.