Tag Archive | life changes

Creativity not forgotten

Sooooo……. I’ve been gone for awhile (from here) and in that time I’ve learned a few things,  experienced a lot of things,  had some changes of heart and made some some major decisions. Yeah…. 2014 was one heck of a year.

So now it’s new year and its time to put some things in motion. I will not be returning to nursing school anytime in the near future so I’ve had to come up with a plan B that will be flexible enough to work around my crazy demanding home life. I’ve come up with my plan and am starting to take the baby steps needed to see it take off. I’m really excited to 1) be doing something for myself 2)express my creative outlet.

For years and years I’ve put my creative side on the back burner so that I could do the things that were safe,  now at 40 I realize it’s fine to be creative and that creativity can also be safe.

As things develop I will update but it’s safe to say I will be posting more regularly now and that I see some big changes coming to my blogging in the months ahead.

A time of solitude

When we moved back to Alabama I expected a period of adjustment and a few months of piece as all if my school transfer stuff took effect. I didn’t count on the heartbreak, loneliness, and feelings of utter helplessness that would come along with this move. Now here I am a few months after our move feeling alone. There are people all around who know me fairly well but there are still large homes in my heart and in my being. I’m learning now to stop depending so much on others and to reevaluate the things that are most important to me. I’m gushing some goals, setting some new ones and lowering the bar on others. Some people see a period of solitude as a good thing for the most part I guess it is but at the same time it REALLY SUCKS!!!! I’m use to being able to go and do on a whim and now I’m constricted and confined in what I am able to do and where I go. I’m trying to stay positive but I’m really unhappy in this stage of the cycle. I’m ready for this part to be over so I can get on with all the things I want to do with my life. Who knows maybe there’s some super wonderful reward on the other side that I’ve not even imagined right now I’m not seeing or feeling it though. I’m seeing all the trees and no forest while wondering how in the world I let myself get in this place to begin with.

Period of adjustment

A few months ago when my husband and I agreed to move back to his hometown we looked forward to it as a way of getting back to our roots, where we came from as a family what we weren’t ready for was seriously starting over. In the 4 or 5 months that we’ve been here we’ve had to start all the back at ground zero. We are still rebuilding and replacing things that were lost. I’m choosing to look at it as par for the course but its still hard looking back at what we had and seeing where we are now. I’m much happier in the laid back atmosphere of this place and my children are flourishing but at the same time I miss the people who were central to my being that got left behind. Namely my sister and oldest son. There are some days the whole in my heart is almost tangible and other days that it’s just a dull ache. I’m keeping in touch but its not the same as getting in my car and having a visit. I know deep down that in the end the sacrifices made now will be worth it but right now I can’t see it. I’m trying really hard to focus on what’s ahead but I don’t want to forget what was behind. I don’t want to forget the shuttles we went through and the things that are shaping our futures.  Every new experience comes with a period of adjustment some shorter than others……I hope every day that all this will pass quickly but every day that I don’t see the progress that I would like to see it feels like we’ll be in this place forever. This too shall pass and it will be all sunshine and morning glories in the other side and I will look back on this time and say ok we made it through that so we can make it through any and everything.

Learning to be the Robin

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It’s spring (according to the calander anyway….I think in most places the weather hasn’t gotten the memo yet). With spring comes an influx of life and one of my favorite creatures…..the robin.

Robins to me signify that spring is here, the peaceful beings sing their pretty song while hidden in the trees, they don’t disturb the trash or people in general. They are content to hop around the grass and trees looking for what is a tasty morsal to them. While being themselves they help the environment and keep things moving along in the circle of life.

Their quiet nature appeals to me which makes it easy for me to watch them for hours. Thursday of last week I did just that while sitting in my car. I watched a robin hop around in the grass, pecking at this and that. At the slightest hint of movement the robin would fly into a nearby thicket of trees, once the robin felt safe again it would come back out and resume its activities.

This got me thinking am I a robin in life? Do I lead a peaceful exsistance, not disturbing other people or leaving a trail of trash in my wake, do I give back as much or equal to what I receive? For something I could say yes but others need improvement. So I’ve made it my goal to be more like the robin, namely to give back equal to what I receive.

This isn’t something that everyone does but everyone should. In recent years I’ve become lazy and self focused, still caring for others but only helping those in my immediate circle. If everyone were like me the world would be a sorry place (just being honest), so its time to get out of me and mine and look to helping others, quietly, peacefully and unassumingly giving back. Making it part of my nature. Not because I HAVE to but because I should, because helping others is one small part of the circle of life and who knows who I may meet in my journey and in what ways they will touch and affect my life.

I don’t want kiddos or accolades I just want to be the best person I can, in all things, just like the robin. Quietly hopping around, helping out but without drawing attention to myself (and minus the worm eating also). I’m looking forward to starting this new journey. It’s bound to be full of adventure.

Thinking back

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There is a lot that has changed or will be changing this month. Some changes brought joy others not so much but we’ve made it through. The last month has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least, but now I am in a place where I can look back and say some of it sucked rotten eggs but we’ve grown as a family. We are closer than we were because of the good and the bad. All the joy and tears in the world don’t amount to squat without people beside you who love you and truely have your best interest at heart. The other thing to be said for this last month….people can be surprising. Just because you think someone is in your corner doesn’t mean that they are, also friends and support can come from some of the unlikelest of places but just go with it. It’s better to have an unexpected true friend than an untrue false one. Change can be good even if at first it doesn’t seem or feel like it. Sometimes you need the change to shake you out of your comfort zone and spread your wings. It’s hard to soar if you’re cramped in a cage – my advice to myself in all this changing and rearranging of our lives is this although some of this is unpleasant it’s better to go with the flow than to become stagnate. Here’s to hoping whatever changes you are going through make you a better person and that you are able to find beauty in something everyday.

Finding Balance

I have finally figured it out! I have finally figured out why this year has been so difficult on so many levels. This year is about finding balance. Not the usual fly by night, win some loose some balance. This is about the balance that sets the stage for the rest of your life. The processes of letting go of all those old things that held me down and back, the things that kept me from reaching for my dreams and pretending to be content to just gaze at them from afar. This is the year where the people who mean me and my family no good are being let go in some cases without a second thought. This is the year of truely finding the balance in my life. This has in no way been an easy year nor an easy process but I’m making it, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I’m smart enough to know this is not a one time shot, I understand fully that this will happen as often as needed but having my eyes open to what is going on around me will help me to go through the process more smoothly. Growing pains hurt no matter the age or what you’re growing from to what you’re growing to but as with everything your attitude will determine your altitude 🙂