I know its been awhile since I’ve checked in. There’s lots going on. We’ve been on the midst of all this winter weather that’s plaguing the south, our loveable 7 year old can’t seem to catch a break in the health department (he’s now got the flu) and life has just generally been moving at the speed of a turtle. I’ll probably have some pictures to share in the upcoming days as we are supposed to get about 5 inches of snow. Until next time be well.
I woke up this morning so some of the coldest temperatures I have ever personally experienced. The app on my phone that keeps track of the weather said it was 11 but after the wind chill it was – 3!!!! Yikes!!!!! We moved back to the South to get away from biting cold and freeze you to the bone winters! I honestly can’t say that I remember Seattle ever being as cold as it was here this morning. The day has now progressed at as of now (2 something in the afternoon) we’re up to a hearty 30 degrees (yippee!)
In light of this delightful near artic (lack of) heat wave we’re having I’m going to spoil my tots rotten with some homemade hearty beef stew tonight. One things for sure cold weather equals hearty soups.
For those in the cold I hope you’re managing to stay warm. For those who are in the warm or hot please send some of that my way.
Sooooo……. I’ve been gone for awhile (from here) and in that time I’ve learned a few things, experienced a lot of things, had some changes of heart and made some some major decisions. Yeah…. 2014 was one heck of a year.
So now it’s new year and its time to put some things in motion. I will not be returning to nursing school anytime in the near future so I’ve had to come up with a plan B that will be flexible enough to work around my crazy demanding home life. I’ve come up with my plan and am starting to take the baby steps needed to see it take off. I’m really excited to 1) be doing something for myself 2)express my creative outlet.
For years and years I’ve put my creative side on the back burner so that I could do the things that were safe, now at 40 I realize it’s fine to be creative and that creativity can also be safe.
As things develop I will update but it’s safe to say I will be posting more regularly now and that I see some big changes coming to my blogging in the months ahead.
When we moved back to Alabama I expected a period of adjustment and a few months of piece as all if my school transfer stuff took effect. I didn’t count on the heartbreak, loneliness, and feelings of utter helplessness that would come along with this move. Now here I am a few months after our move feeling alone. There are people all around who know me fairly well but there are still large homes in my heart and in my being. I’m learning now to stop depending so much on others and to reevaluate the things that are most important to me. I’m gushing some goals, setting some new ones and lowering the bar on others. Some people see a period of solitude as a good thing for the most part I guess it is but at the same time it REALLY SUCKS!!!! I’m use to being able to go and do on a whim and now I’m constricted and confined in what I am able to do and where I go. I’m trying to stay positive but I’m really unhappy in this stage of the cycle. I’m ready for this part to be over so I can get on with all the things I want to do with my life. Who knows maybe there’s some super wonderful reward on the other side that I’ve not even imagined right now I’m not seeing or feeling it though. I’m seeing all the trees and no forest while wondering how in the world I let myself get in this place to begin with.
A few months ago when my husband and I agreed to move back to his hometown we looked forward to it as a way of getting back to our roots, where we came from as a family what we weren’t ready for was seriously starting over. In the 4 or 5 months that we’ve been here we’ve had to start all the back at ground zero. We are still rebuilding and replacing things that were lost. I’m choosing to look at it as par for the course but its still hard looking back at what we had and seeing where we are now. I’m much happier in the laid back atmosphere of this place and my children are flourishing but at the same time I miss the people who were central to my being that got left behind. Namely my sister and oldest son. There are some days the whole in my heart is almost tangible and other days that it’s just a dull ache. I’m keeping in touch but its not the same as getting in my car and having a visit. I know deep down that in the end the sacrifices made now will be worth it but right now I can’t see it. I’m trying really hard to focus on what’s ahead but I don’t want to forget what was behind. I don’t want to forget the shuttles we went through and the things that are shaping our futures. Every new experience comes with a period of adjustment some shorter than others……I hope every day that all this will pass quickly but every day that I don’t see the progress that I would like to see it feels like we’ll be in this place forever. This too shall pass and it will be all sunshine and morning glories in the other side and I will look back on this time and say ok we made it through that so we can make it through any and everything.
In life there are people that you meet, books you read, pictures or sights you see that inspire you to be a better person. That feeling may last a few minutes or a lifetime but when it happens you know.
I’ve found inspiration in a lot of things from awe inspiring art work, to heartfelt prose. I’ve found inspiration watching waves crash on a beach, with the sound if each of my children’s heart beat while inside the womb to their first cries outside the womb. I’ve found different kinds of inspiration in different situations but with each and every new joy, with every new desire to do better, to be better I change a little more every time.
I’m getting to a point where for the first time EVER in my life I can look at me, where I’ve been and where I’m going and say man, I’m glad to be me! I thank each and every little inspiration I’ve met along the way for the lessons they’ve taught good and bad for without them I wouldn’t be half the person I am today.
(P.S. have you any idea how hard it is to take a picture of clouds with a cell phone while holding a fishing pole that’s getting a bite? Neither did I till I took this picture last Saturday)
I’ve been taking a bit of a break here lately from pretty much everything. I’m trying to take some time to reconnect with myself, in this quest for whatever, I’ve come to notice that I’m scattered. Literally all over the place. I may be in one spot but my mind is racing all over the place at what feels like the speed of light. There’s so much I’m trying to download, process, sort through, figure out and compress that I’m just overwhelmed. Not nearly as much as I was a few weeks ago but I’ve got a ways to go.
There’s been so many things that have happened that I just pushed my thoughts or feelings to the side and didn’t take the time to process right then and there that I’ve become fragments if myself. Every once in awhile I’ll see a reflection of my true self in something that’s going on or being said and I have to smile inside. I know the woman I love is in here under all this clutter, mixed emotions and excess baggage I’ve just got to keep on sorting, sifting, and processing until she’s able to shine.
When I finally reach her I know that I will again be like my picture, a whole balanced reflection of all the thing I love about me -with my shades of light and dark, the things that are open as well as the parts that are hidden. I’m looking forward to that time but until then I’ll continue to sort through the puzzle pieces and piece by piece, section by section to finish a wonderful masterpiece.