As some of you know I have spent the last year of my life studying to be a Medical Assistant. I started off this journey in my education by registering for nursing but then because I didn’t get in one vital class (biology) my first quarter I decided to go into M.A. instead. Yesterday marked the end of my first clinicals class and as I sat at the table doing my written final I thought, “This isn’t what I want to do with my life.” So today I went to the college and changed back to the nursing program.
This time however instead of getting an AA for my RN I signed up for a transfer program so I will be taking all of my university nursing prerequisites at the community college I’m at now. When this stage is over I will graduate with an AAS with credits that transfer to University and will put me in as a junior so in roughly 2 1/2 years I will be finished with nursing programs and have a BSN. (I say 2 1/2 years because with all the credits I have from my previous degree I really only have the sciences to take)
I’m so excited to start this stage of my journey and I can’t wait to see where it leads me.
It’s been a long time coming. I’m getting to a point where the fact that my apparent youth has vanished I’m by no means saying that I’m not still youthful (with four kids ranging from 16 to 3 it’s hard NOT to be) but I’m no longer a youth. With that comes the fact that not everything is where it was 20 years ago, 20 months ago, 20 weeks ago, 20 days ago, 20 minutes ago or even 20 seconds ago.
There is a saying “Beauty comes with age.” A lot of people take that the wrong way. I for one did when I was younger I was beautiful then so how could beauty possibly come with age – I’ve learned it’s inner beauty that matures over time. It’s getting to where I am now.
In roughly 38 years my body has been through a lot some good some not so much. I have scars that although I don’t like they served a purpose 3 brought life, 2 saved my life and 1 brought with it immunity to a serious disease. Just this week however I’ve figured out that it’s ok for me not to have a wash board belly. My lumps and bumps are part of me. The media and some in society may view them as flaws however, I am now choosing to view them as real world experience by a real person.
I’m sure if I had the money to have a personal trainer I’d probably do it. It would be nice to have a flatter belly and a generally more sculpted body but everyday I’m becoming more and more comfortable with who I am now and starting to loose more of that starry eyed image of myself back then. There are things that I’m doing to improve and maintain my health but I’m not going to kill myself or starve myself just to make others be ok with how I look. So the day I become famous and can afford that trainer and to have all of my pictures airbrushed to hide any “imperfections” I’m just gonna keep on being me, lumpy, bumpy gravity defying (in some spots) me and LOVE every minute of it!
I have finally figured it out! I have finally figured out why this year has been so difficult on so many levels. This year is about finding balance. Not the usual fly by night, win some loose some balance. This is about the balance that sets the stage for the rest of your life. The processes of letting go of all those old things that held me down and back, the things that kept me from reaching for my dreams and pretending to be content to just gaze at them from afar. This is the year where the people who mean me and my family no good are being let go in some cases without a second thought. This is the year of truely finding the balance in my life. This has in no way been an easy year nor an easy process but I’m making it, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I’m smart enough to know this is not a one time shot, I understand fully that this will happen as often as needed but having my eyes open to what is going on around me will help me to go through the process more smoothly. Growing pains hurt no matter the age or what you’re growing from to what you’re growing to but as with everything your attitude will determine your altitude 🙂