A few months ago when my husband and I agreed to move back to his hometown we looked forward to it as a way of getting back to our roots, where we came from as a family what we weren’t ready for was seriously starting over. In the 4 or 5 months that we’ve been here we’ve had to start all the back at ground zero. We are still rebuilding and replacing things that were lost. I’m choosing to look at it as par for the course but its still hard looking back at what we had and seeing where we are now. I’m much happier in the laid back atmosphere of this place and my children are flourishing but at the same time I miss the people who were central to my being that got left behind. Namely my sister and oldest son. There are some days the whole in my heart is almost tangible and other days that it’s just a dull ache. I’m keeping in touch but its not the same as getting in my car and having a visit. I know deep down that in the end the sacrifices made now will be worth it but right now I can’t see it. I’m trying really hard to focus on what’s ahead but I don’t want to forget what was behind. I don’t want to forget the shuttles we went through and the things that are shaping our futures. Every new experience comes with a period of adjustment some shorter than others……I hope every day that all this will pass quickly but every day that I don’t see the progress that I would like to see it feels like we’ll be in this place forever. This too shall pass and it will be all sunshine and morning glories in the other side and I will look back on this time and say ok we made it through that so we can make it through any and everything.
Wednesday will be two months since our two beloved pitties left us. In relative terms two months isn’t a very long time but currently it feels like a life time.
There are strange little things that remind us of Bruiser and Sarge like the way Bandit (our new puppy) runs and plays with his chew toys and just the other day when I cleaned the boys window I found Bruiser prints on the other side. Then as now I teared up, when the boys asked me what was wrong I said, “Look Bruisers paw prints are still on your window.” My 5 year old said we should never wash the window and my three year started looking for the dog we’d had since he’d learned how to walk.
I don’t think those two dogs will ever really know just how much they were loved not how hard their death has been on this family. There isn’t a single day that goes by that we don’t speak of them or miss them. I think they would have loved Bandit to pieces and it would of been great to see them all play together at least once but i know that will never happen.
Instead Bandit is reaping all the benefit of healing a broken hearted family. He gets showered in loves and kisses everyday, it’s a win for him and a win for us. We’re still broken and that piece if our hearts marked Bruiser and Sarge will never be whole again which is fine by me. I don’t want to ever forget the two dogs who captured my heart and stole it away.
We love and miss you two boys so so much. I hope wherever you are there’s lots of good treats and belly rubs and people to tell you how great you are.
Forever in our hearts 💝
Yesterday was a hard and heartbreaking day, our family will never be the same. We had to say goodbye to our two pitbulls after they got into a fight and suffered major injuries. There were and will continue to be many tears shed over the loss of our beloved puppies but at the same time there were many memories shared….the good ones. I looked through all the photos I have on my phone and posted an online photo album of our doggies and some friends added their own pictures as well. It’s one small step in the healing process but I can already tell this isn’t going to be an easy road nor a short journey. I drempt about our dogs last night, about their fight and woke up looking in the backyard for them, I even tapped on the window like I did every morning..then I remembered they aren’t there.
It’s a new day filled with new hope but its also filled with pain. In time some of that may go away but for now I have an empty backyard and two less family members.
The last few weeks and months have been really hard but nothing compaired with today. Today we had to say good bye to two members of our family. They were greatly loved even if we didn’t always show it and their absences will be felt deeply and for years to come. It’s a great thing to love, its a hard thing to let go. My heart goes out to everyone and anyone else that has ever been through a needless loss of any kind. My love goes with Sarge and Bruiser, already home isn’t the same.
My cousin made this shortly after the death of our Grandfather. I told her that I would also like one so she gave this to me. It’s hung in various places in my home….currently its taken up residence in my bedroom window. Today I opened up my blinds to let some light in and this is what I found…..the sun shining through my Grandpa. It made me remember things long forgotten like the warmth of his smile and how infectious his laugh could be. The way he would move at a pace that seemed to be his own but still manage to get everything done. My parents divorced when I was a teen and I didn’t see my dads side of the family much after that. In recent years we’ve reconnected and have spent some time together although not as much as any of us would like…..today, right now actually, as I’m sitting here struggling to write this I’m remembering that I need to not forget the ties that bind and make us a family. I’m remembering that at the end of it all family is what’s most important and that when those close to you (or those who were close to you) die the only thing left are memories….old and faded or new and vibrant so its better to make memorues while there is time. Thank you Jacqui and Grandpa Hoover for giving me something to hold on to while I finally begin to grieve and for allowing me this time to reflect.
As to be expected with large scale tragedies as the events of yesterday people all over the country and the world are using this time to voice their opinion. I am trying very hard to refrain from putting my two cents in but have instead decided to look inward.
Life gets hectic, juggling multiple schedules, doing the things that are important to your family and survival -for most somewhere in that equation some things begin to slip. We get so busy over here that we loose sight of what’s going on over there. I think that for my family its time to put our focus back on what’s going on right here.
Yesterday with the killing of all those young children and the stabbing of others and then again this morning the shooting in the hospital in Birmingham, AL I think its time to hold my children a little closer, for a little longer.
It’s been long said take care what you do today for tomorrow isn’t promised to you…..we as people tend to sit in this little bubble and shake our heads in disbelief or shed a few tears upon hearing of a tragedy but at the same time we’re thinking it was over there not here so we’re still safe. No!!! No one is safe from death, its a part of life. It’s horrible when it happens to those so young for any reason and it grieves my heart to even think what those families must be going through which is why I say take the time while you have it to turn off the tv, the phone, the computer and really spend time with those around you…..your loved ones. Anything can happen at anytime and then it will be to late to take back those last words said in anger, or to do all those things you were planning but never made time for. Now more than ever is the time to let those you love know that they ARE more important than your job, your tv shows, your games on the computer or game console hold your babies tight and start memories.