So……as pretty much everyone is aware a week ago we said good bye to our two beloved pits Bruiser and Sarge. Our younger kids not understanding what and why have been asking us relentlessly to get a new dog. There was much debate between Clint and myself as to if we would EVER get another dog, and if so what kind. Today Clint got a phone call from a friend of his saying he had a dog for us. I wasn’t thrilled but I figured what the hey. I wasn’t fully expecting such an adorable bundle of cuteness!! We haven’t come up with a name yet for our newest member but I’m thinking Bandit….we shall see. For now I’m glad that I’m able to open my heart and home to another fur baby.
Yesterday was a hard and heartbreaking day, our family will never be the same. We had to say goodbye to our two pitbulls after they got into a fight and suffered major injuries. There were and will continue to be many tears shed over the loss of our beloved puppies but at the same time there were many memories shared….the good ones. I looked through all the photos I have on my phone and posted an online photo album of our doggies and some friends added their own pictures as well. It’s one small step in the healing process but I can already tell this isn’t going to be an easy road nor a short journey. I drempt about our dogs last night, about their fight and woke up looking in the backyard for them, I even tapped on the window like I did every morning..then I remembered they aren’t there.
It’s a new day filled with new hope but its also filled with pain. In time some of that may go away but for now I have an empty backyard and two less family members.
The last few weeks and months have been really hard but nothing compaired with today. Today we had to say good bye to two members of our family. They were greatly loved even if we didn’t always show it and their absences will be felt deeply and for years to come. It’s a great thing to love, its a hard thing to let go. My heart goes out to everyone and anyone else that has ever been through a needless loss of any kind. My love goes with Sarge and Bruiser, already home isn’t the same.
Today I find myself thinking of my Grandmother. She’s a wonderful lady who has lived a full life by watching her and following what she did I have learned a lot. I’ve learned about God, how to cook and family history to name a few things. These days Gram isn’t as strong as she once was and her memory isn’t as good as it use to be either, as sad as it is I’m glad to have her in my life and in my heart for without Gram we wouldn’t be here.
For some reason people seem to view self love as a truely horrible thing, as if it’s one of the worst things a person could possibly do or aspire to but I day self love can be a good thing.
It’s nice to take time to yourself to do something that you alone enjoy. Taking time to recharge your personal batteries so you can give maximum output….what’s so wrong with that? This is something that I personally don’t do enough of. Between kids, school and trying to maintain the home I tend to let myself fall into the cracks.
I do love myself on the whole but I’m not in love with myself anymore. There was a time in my life when I was so wrapped up in myself I couldnt focus on or think about anyone else. Then I had a baby and all of that changed. I couldnt focus only on myself because I had someone who needed me more. A few more years and a few more kids later I’m finally getting back to me.
I had gotten to a point where I equated being in love with myself with self love but they aren’t the same. Self love is taking time for yourself -taking moments here and there to do the things that make you happiest. Being in love with yourself is not caring one way or another how others feel and always putting yourself first. It’s a thin line between the two so one must tread lightly.
I love myself which for some is a major feat in itself, but I’m no longer wrapped up in myself……I’ve allowed myself to branch out and spread my love around.
This Wednesday marked a milestone for my husband and myself. We celebrated 12 years of marriage, for those who know us they will tell you that’s kind of a major fete.
Most didn’t even think we’d make it 5 years. Once we passed 5 they said surely they won’t make it to 10 but now we’re at 12 and still hanging on. I can honestly say in the beginning we weren’t really in love but after 12 years and all the ups and downs we’ve had we can’t help but love each other. Not teenage love but the kind of deep love that only comes with time and maturity.
We’ve by no means had a fairy tale romance in fact we are doing things quite backwards. The early years of our marriage that should have been blissful were pure hell. The years that should be showing friction and wear and tear are bonding us closer together.
We’ve made it a point in recent years to spend our anniversary together just the two of us with no kids 🙂 It’s a nice break from reality and gives us some time to enjoy each other and act like teenagers. After 12 years I kind of like the guy and think I may possibly keep him around for another 12 or more 🙂
(My favorite Bama boy)
Sometimes life is hard. For some people it may be unbearably so but somehow we are given the strength, the will power and the ability to press on. Not every cloud has a silver lining, every day isn’t sunshine and roses but that doesn’t mean give up. Hold on for the cloud with the silver lining for it may contain your dreams, wait for the sunshine and roses for it makes up for the days of doom and gloom. The Bible says weeping may endure for the night but joy comes with the morning light. I know for a fact some of those nights are long and dark, you feel all alone but I’m here to tell you what you feel and what is true can be two totally diffrent things. Hang in there there are more people who care than you are giving credit to. Just because they aren’t in your face 24/7 doesn’t mean they aren’t watching, listening and praying. You are loved, cherished and cared for (about) if by no one else by me. God bless and let’s make it over the hump! Happy hump day 🙂